An Anniversary

tumblr_m7pfqovrna1qer7xro1_400December 14 marked the one year mark of my HRT. Before that I was working hormone-free, just soaking in the testosterone poisoning and being a girl. Found a doctor to prescribe my medication then he dies in an accident. Found a replacement and am very happy that I’ve begun my journey.

What I’m not happy about is my progress. I have a┬ásimple wish… to be able to walk down a street without seeing people elbowing their companions and pointing at me. How small a fucking town do I have to live in before I’m comfortable? I’d move to a cabin in the woods but I’m afraid my heels would dig into the dirt paths LOL.

I went shopping yesterday. Needed some retail therapy to get out of a funk. I bought some very nice stuff. Then I remembered when I was trapped with other townsfolk due to hurricane evacuation I had no male-type clothes to wear… I went en fem, sort of. Sloppy but me. So yesterday I actually bought jeans and a few shirts. Just in case. I can’t tell you how depressed it made me to think I may have to go back to them. I held them up and looked at them, tears in my eyes. I would hate it.

I’m giving myself two more years. My doctor said I’d reach full effect after three years. Fingers crossed. No matter how I’m dressed… how ugly I am… how unlike the many transition photos I see on Reddit that I’ll never be able to attain… I am a woman. <sigh>

Sorry. Holiday depression starting to set in. Happens every year around this time when I go out and see all the excited families shopping, laughing, enjoying the season. Will I ever get over this annual funkfest? Heehee <sigh> No

My only high point has been my discovery of Second Life where I’ve been able to start a life, find a love, and now even plan a wedding. Thank you Kelly Cross for coming into my life. Hope my downer of a post doesn’t scare you haha. I’ll be fine as soon as I see you log on.