Second Life Family

1262194872_katrina-kaif-2I joined Second Life because i live an isolated, lonely life. On purpose. It’s a safety thing for me. My own family had deserted me. My very first acts on landing in this strange new world was (1) look up my friends Daniel and Tish Wolfsong’s bar (they are now my SL brother and sister); get from them suggestions for transgender sims; and start searching for anything transgender related. A little narrow-casting in my wants at this point, huh. Which led me to a now-defunct sim TransTastic where, for the first time, I met others like me. Same issues. Same problems. But others to talk about it and share my life. At last! Someone who also had dysphoria. It was wonderful.

As often happens in Second Life, that sim folded. But before it did, i had discovered a new life that would serve me well… D/s — dominant/submissive — BDSM. Dancing at TransTastic i met an attractive girl who talked with me. That alone was an exhilarating experience for me haha. Then she revealed she was a sub with a mistress i had yet to meet. We danced over a period of days while i thoroughly researched the subject and found myself interested. She invited me to their home to meet the domme. Two days later i was submitted, collared and learning the myriad mistakes one can make LOL. Yikes.

A family. A domme and two subs… but in my mind, a mother and two sisters.

And that’s how it’s been ever since. I see this lifestyle i’ve chosen as being a mother with a growing family. That’s wrong, as i’ll mention later, but for the longest time that is what i felt.  Over time I gather others to me. I provided them love, a place to live, safety, caring, encouragement.

I have learned, thanks to my mentor Chloe, that i am not a mother. I am their domme. Big difference which i won’t go into here. I have become stronger from her guidance, and from the encouragement of the girls themselves, particularly my SL wife Trixssy.  The Hand of the Queen! They want me strong and decisive. I am.

Today i pruned from my family tree. An errant daughter (continuing the metaphor) who failed to show up for weeks at a time. Patience growing to impatience, excuses lacking, time to cut the duckling loose to learn to fly on her own.

We’re still a family. We talk, we encourage, we occasionally fight LOL, but in the end, we’re the Bella family. Proud and united.

I have a family.

At last.

Depression

AdobeStock_50031686-650x433Yes, once again. Hormone Replacement Therapy has its joys and its drawbacks. I can only explain my occasional depression by the hormones, as otherwise I should be ecstatic every day. I’m happily married to the love of my life. I love her in real life too. I have friends who care for me and invite me to sail, to attend fun theme parties. I live in a beautiful home and have exciting adventures in Second Life that I would never attempt in Real.

Yet here I am. Listening to live music at Beau Belle Coffee Shop and crying uncontrollably. Well, I was. I’m OK now or I wouldn’t be able to type haha. <sigh>

There are days like this I think I’ll just chuck the whole thing. Pour my drugs down the toilet and flush them away just like I’ve flushed away my life in this vain attempt to be something apparently God didn’t want for me and I feel will never attain. Burn my dresses, toss my wigs in the trash and lock myself away in a small cabin in the Appalachians or something. (Notice I didn’t mention my heels. A girl’s gotta have something.) I wonder if they’ll deliver pizza up there? My tastes are simple.

Ever have days like this? Where nothing is worth it?

Fuck.

I’ll be better tomorrow.

Nightmare Solved

black-and-white-crying-girl-sad-Favim.com-1347828A while back I posted explaining to the person I love the reason for my — shall we put it mildly and call it distrust — of men. Not A Pretty Story. (Trust me… don’t read it.) I had the pleasure last night of discussing my first books (T-Girl in the Office) with a friend who had been reading this 9-book series. As noted before this is a romanticized version of my life. So she asked if one of the events was true. The scene of my near-castration at the hands of a gang of assholes. Sadly it was true. We talked about it for a while and I explained it had finally been figured out that I suffer from what I consider a mild form of PTSD. I’ll leave that diagnosis to those military types who have suffered real, actual trauma, not my piddling little panic. Nevertheless, it affected me and my life ever since. It has defined me. The result was a recurring nightmare. I’d wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. My dog doesn’t even wake up any more hahahaha.

In talking about this with her it slowly dawned on me: I have not had the nightmare in… I can’t recall the last time! I cannot recall!!! And I don’t want to think about it other than to note its demise. I can attribute this to one person and one person only. My love. I will call her Kelly here. My Second Life wife. Through her love and her love alone, her caring nature, calming demeanor and the fact that I know had I been with her it never would have happened. She would move heaven and earth to prevent it. I now realize that not all men are assholes who want to hurt me for no reason other than that I am different. Kelly would stand between me and any attack… physical or verbal. There is not a doubt in my mind. My darling, I could not love you more. Thank you for being in my life, SL and RL.

 

 

Lovely Time of Year

snapshot_003The oncoming autumn is always a wonderful time in my eyes. The leaves changing, the air cooling. Not so much in the South but still to a lesser degree. In Second Life it was a beautiful afternoon to sit on the beach with my honey and talk serious relationship matters. It is comfortable to have someone to listen to your concerns. And to listen theirs.

That’s all. No great thoughts today. Just content with my life… happy for the first time in quite a while.

Thanks, darling.

Quiet Night in Second Life

cloud_001Sometimes a gal’s just gotta lay back on the beach, turn off all music and talking and distractions to listen to the eternal sounds of the sea. The gently rolling waters… the overhead gulls… crickets. Peaceful. Time for reflection.

So what do I do with that time? Take a picture and post my thoughts. I think I may have missed something.

Bad Sunday

324278d15325d9994f89aaa2f22a82e390822035017ff3a3792efc6299ffcbd1My church lady friends gathered for breakfast last Sunday and asked me to join them. I swear to god that priest will not get off the transphobic high horse. He had brought the trans subject yet again. (I don’t attend any more. This is the subject the ladies chose to discuss, bless their hearts.) So during breakfast I was fucking bombarded with the same damn questions I’ve answered a thousand times. I know we should be patient with CIS folk. To many of them we’re like something dropped from outer space or something. And I don’t mind responding to any serious queries. I’m pretty done with “did you cut your penis off?”-type questions, though. My complaint… what upset me… was that I am plowing the same field over and over. They’ve asked me these things. Several times. I ended up daintily wiping my lips of egg yolk and saying “thank you for asking me to breakfast,” and leaving. I was just exhausted.

We’ll be fine. They didn’t even know I was actually pissed. They are the only friends I have. But they can be a nosy bunch at times.

What really upset me is that when I got online to Second Life to meet my girlfriend Kelly I was all bitchy with her. Even simply left her at one point. I went back but she was properly pissed at me. <sigh> Let me tell you about this woman. She is the best thing in my life. We may have met in Second Life and spend our time there, we email and chat in Real Life, too. There’s a connection. The last thing I want to do is let out my inner bitch and upset her.

Let me tell you about this woman, Kelly. She is the best thing in my life. We may have met in Second Life and spend our time there, we email and chat in Real Life, too. There’s a connection that I haven’t felt in years. The last thing I want to do is let out my inner bitch and upset her.

The good news about is that Kelly bought a special spanking chair just for me, and after her work was done we went home and tested it out. It works! I’ll be able to sit properly by Wednesday heehee.